Something left unsaid, a decision made near the end that they wish they could change, or a situation unresolved. Then, we act with anger, frustration, unclear thinking, etc., towards our ailing loved one. Dealing with Grief: Releasing Regrets After a Loss How big is that bag of burdens you carry with you? En español | “The second year is harder,” I heard myself saying to the still-grieving 55-year-old woman whose father had died the year before. For a lot of people, the idea that their relationship ends when their loved one dies is a very painful idea. Many people who lost a loved one to substance abuse may have spent years trying to help and rehabilitate their friend or family member. 99-100]. It is a death we bring upon ourselves if we refuse to be transformed by the first death [pp. We continue to relate to our loved ones who’ve died, through memory at least, and many people report other ways that they’ve felt able to feel an ongoing connection with their loved ones after their death. Prepare for the Death of a Loved One… Regret following the loss of a loved one to substance abuse or suicide: Though these are two very different types of loss, the regret that can follow can look very much the same. It was one of those psychotherapist aphorisms I’ve been offering to bereaved clients for three decades.

The first kind of death happens to us; the second kind of death happens in us. It hurts when someone you love dies — especially if you regret the way you treated him or her. You know, the list of things you wish you had…or hadn’t said, the one with the list of things you were going to do…but never did, or perhaps the last good-bye or I love you that never got said. Whether we’re able to consciously or subconsciously reason away our regrets or not, it’s best to be prepared to experience them when we’re dealing with a loved one’s end of life. To date I have never had a client who did not experience some form of regret following the loss of a loved one. After much time, effort, and energy caring for the loved one, there comes a time that it feels like you have nothing else to give to this person. ... such as the death of a loved one.

After a loss these regrets can haunt us endlessly. Steps. Jessica is one such person. No matter what, there will be regrets.

The reality is compassion and empathy are not limitless. You’ll wish you had said one more I love you, or you’ll feel guilty about a recent argument. I’m sorry for your loss. While regrets can be difficult to carry, you can learn to release feelings of regret and move on with life. How to Deal With Regret After the Death of a Loved One. Today I want to explore grief and regret with you. Worse still is the death of the spirit, the death that comes through guilt, regret, bitterness, hatred, immorality, and despair.